"I have no idea how to do this. But I know I want to do it, so.. Help me with this,
Sakai-kun?"
The skimpy-dressed brunette musician asked the guitarist.
Sakai couldn't help but chuckle a bit, but knew the woman was serious. He did what she wanted him to do, then lit up the joint, handing it to her. He held her free hand tightly.
"Are you sure your alright with this?"
He asked in a serious tone, looking dead into her eyes.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"I'm positive. Its not a big deal. I'm just a grown woman,
smoking some marajuana, am I right?."
Hana responded with a serious look, smoking the joint.
---
After a few seconds, she felt as though the substance had sent her brain on a one way trip to Cloud 9. It burned her throat a little bit, but the great amount of relaxation kept her mind off of everything. She smiled and giggled at Sakai with a happy, awake, face. Taking hold of his hand, she was swinging it back and fourth. Sakai could tell that the woman inhaled a bit too much. He smiled, clenching her hand tightly to assure her that she was safe.
His worried eyes were locked onto the giggling, stoned, musician.
"Can we drink now? I believe we deserve to right??!!"
Hana said loudly. She put the joint down, pouring about 6 shots of Sake.
The men didn't expect the lead musician to let her guard down as much as she did, but they laughed it off, sitting down at the long, porcelain bar table that the now open boxes rested on. Hana popped open 3 of the large, tall, bottles of sake, serving everyone a round of shots. All 5 of them drank several rounds for a majority of time. Even though time just zoomed by, the hours didn't drain them at all. As though the band were a cult of insomniacs, they relentlessly enjoyed what they had in front of them.
It didn't take very long for the alcohol and marijuana to serve their purpose. The tone of the room had instantly changed from social and sober to quiet and ossified. The men sat at th
e large card table, playing a serious game of black jack. The air that was once clear and unexplored had become clouded with the heavy, hazy, scent of intoxication and smoke.
The lead musician sat on Sakai's lap, watching the men play their little card game that had seemed to been going on for about an hour.
Sakai was trying desperately to concentrate on his cards as well as calming down the hard bulge that stood between his legs. Hana had caused both of these unfortunate events, and even though she was a huge distraction, Sakai didn't mind it one bit. The entire time Hana stroked his chest with a few of her fingertips, giggling and whispering into his ear. She kept on asking if he was winning, as she was too high to even comprehend their game. The brunette guitarist just stroked her cheek gently, politely telling her that he has to concentrate. She nodded, leaning over the table for another bottle of sake. This had distracted the other 3 musicians, being as her cleavage line had stood out like a sore thumb. They smiled, pausing from the card game to tell her how amazing she looked. Just as high as they were, A mellow Hana replied with a giggling "thankyou".
About 30 minutes later the game of black jack had ended. To no one's surprise, Mizu had won a majority of the prize money. Restless and figety, Hana had finally got off of Sakai's lap, stretching with a low yawn. Suddenly, Kaoru walked up from behind her, whispering something into her ear. She blushed a bit, but nodded in response to what he had told her. He lightly licked the side of her ear quickly before exiting the room with his hands in his pockets.
Sakai wondered what Kaoru had said to the woman, and he had a bad feeling about it.
He looked at Hana with worried eyes, her hand still in his grip.
"Kaoru said he has talk to me in private. So I'll be right back, okayyy Sakai-kun?"
Hana said with a bright, over-stimulated smile.
Sakai knew the situation was out of his control, and much as he didn't want to, he let go of her hand, allowing
her to do as she pleased. Once she walked out of the room, he deeply inhaled and smoked a new joint.
Back at the band's hallway, Kaoru held Hana by the waist, lightly kissing her neck. He repeatedly complimented
her while in conversation, giving her suggestions about the band's album. His tone of voice was deep and firm.
"So you see, beautiful.. I truly believe that you and I should collaborate in one of our songs..
Your xylophone echoing my guitar melody. It would really emphasize and expose the tasteful instruments that are genius elements in the song. I would like to compose it..."
Said Kaoru.
Hana giggled, and most of her was entirely zoned out. She allowed him to grip her waist,
mostly because she didn't realize that he was doing it.
"I..Y-yeah.. I hear you.. But..but.. Why talk business with me now? Its..Its.. kind of a weird time to talk serious stuff.."
She replied in a relaxed tone.
The well dressed guitarist looked at her through his shades as his grip on her waist became tighter. He lightly kissed the corner of her mouth once, his expression to her seemed on an almost unreal level.
"Mmnn..baby.. I'm just so calm right now.. I just wanted to put the idea in your pretty little head is all. It is my fault that I had forgotten to tell you earlier this week.."
Kaoru responded with a smirk, leaning close to her neck only to kiss it once.
Hana blinked a few times, and she felt very lightheaded. She partially knew most of what was going on, but everything was happening so fast, she didn't have any judgment or the mentality of her common sense to resist anything.
"Ooh.. Uhm..Y-yeah.. that's fine. Its okay.. Its a really, really good idea, Kaoru-kun. Mn.. seriously sweety, why talk stuffs now?"
Hana replied. Sounding entirely relaxed, she just clenched his chest to keep from losing balance.
The guitarist laughed lowly, holding to her drunkenly and affectionately, he groped her roughly. Entirely stoned and inebriated, Kaoru's arousal over the young woman entirely clouded his actions and words.
As zoned out as she was, Hana had instantly sensed the invaded, wrong feeling that the guitarist was inflicting.
She gripped his hands tightly, pushing him away from her.
"Uhm..Okay..okay..uhh.. listen.. I don't know if you didn't catch it before but I'm not comfortable with this kind situation.. Uhmm..uh.. Its not.. not..right, do you know what I mean?"
The lead musician's sober mentality had finally came out of her at the right time.
The guitarist frowned at the lead musicians words, but he accepted it, and was starting to regret what he had attempted. With a serious expression, he hugged Hana tightly for a moment, whispering into her ear in tone of grief and guilt.
"I do understand..Hana-chan.. Please forgive my actions. Drugs and alcohol can really bring out the asshole in a man."
Hana smiled, returning his embrace. She knew the man had great respect for her, and knew
that as zooted as they felt now, their friendship was as it should be.
Suddenly, Yami had closed the door behind him, checking up on Hana and the cocky guitarist.
The tall bassist stared at Kaoru with a serious expression as he broke the silence with the tapping of his combat boot.
"Mnn.. are you two alright?"
Yami asked sternly.
Kaoru practically jumped from the Bassist's sudden entrance.
He gently pulled away from Hana, rubbing the back of his head.
"Yeah.. We are fine."
Kaoru stated plainly.
Hana blushed slightly, looking to the side with nothing to say. Her body felt as though it were slowly floating downwards, and her head was spinning. She tried to ignore it, leading her fellow band members back into the entertainment room.
Sakai immediatly walked up to the lead musician, holding to her waist tightly.
"I was wondering when you'd come back.."
Sakai said with a concerned tone.
Hana laughed lowly, hugging him.
"Well we're all here now. So stop worrying."
She responded.
Over at the bar counter, Mizu placed several empty bottles of sake back into its large box, wiping down the counter as well as already taking care of the ashtrays and scattered cards. Many could say that the bleach blonde drummer was a bit of a neat freak. The rest of the band just laughed at the man's abnormal desire to clean, but helped with the little that needed to be done. Weakly sitting at the bar counter, Hana glanced over at the large, neon digital clock.
It read "4:36 a.m." She yawned, but wasn't surprised by how much time the band's little celebration consumed.
Mizu held to her hand, smiling calmly at the young woman's valiant efforts to keep her head up.
Hana smiled, feeling as though her physical energy was gradually being sapped from her. Sakai pulled the stool she was sitting on closer to him, caressing her cheek gently. He looked at Hana with a protective expression, securely holding to her waist.
"We all had a night to remember, but I think you've had enough, Hime.."
Said Sakai.
Hana laughed lowly with the remaining energy she had, passing out about a minute or so later.
Sakai shook his head with a smile, carrying her to her room. He gently placed her on her bed, slowly removing the tight, heavy stilettos that were practically bounded to her feet. He then took her earrings and necklaces off, placing them on her knightstand that stood on the side of the large mattress. Gently and respectfully, the guitarist pulled down the side straps of Hana's dress, slipping her arms out of them, also unzipping the dress's back zipper slowly. Sakai then pulled the thick, green, covers over the passed out musician, securely making sure her head gently rested on one of the fluffed pillows. The brunette guitarist gazed down at her. He thought to himself that if he didn't wreak of beer and cigarettes he wouldn't hesitate sleeping next to her.
He sighed, heading to his own room to get some sleep.
-
The next day, the band had awoke to serious migraines, upset stomachs, and weak bodies. They were grateful that they had this day to recover instead of working. All four of the male band members could be heard vomiting in their bathrooms,but the lead musician was an exception. She had awoke, rubbing the back of her head with a drained expression. The woman's eyes widened as she looked at her surroundings, wondering how she ended up in her room. She couldn't remember what had happened the night before, but at this point she didn't care much of it. She dragged herself out of the bed, going into the bathroom to take a shower. She allowed the already unzipped dress to drop to her feet, as well as carelessly tossing the expensive lace undergarments to the side, stepping into the hot shower.
Meanwhile, Sakai was taking a shower as well. The guitarist was deep in thought, thinking of what had happened the night before. He didn't remember much, but what he didn't forget had only kept Hana in his thoughts even more than she already is. But what Sakai couldn't stop thinking about was the way the lead musician reacts to his affection.
He knew she didn't feel the way he felt, and assumed that she thought of him in vain.
The guitarist felt deeply for the lead musician, and as the days went by, his love for her grew.
The first day Sakai had met Hana was when his feelings began to develop gradually.
The guitarist felt deeply for the lead musician, and as the days went by, his love for her grew.
It
seemed that no matter what he tried, nothing he did or said gave him
her permission to the next level. Sakai remembered his first day as the
band's guitarist, before anyone else was accepted in. That day he took
Hana out for lunch to get to know her better. He remembered asking how
her parents felt about her career, which immediately changed her good
mood. It tore him apart to have to see tears shed from her eyes. He
never forgot how much pain he saw in her face, and when he tried
changing the subject, she clung to his hand, spilling everything from
start to finish. It blew Sakai's mind on so many levels, and from that
moment on, he started to understand who she really was on the inside.
Sakai
mentally kicked himself, practically ashamed of what he has been doing.
He had forgotten Hana's deepest scar, her fear of being hurt by men..
and his advances to her were nothing but an intruder trying to cut her
open. Sakai knew he had to remember what she kept quiet, and that
any wrong move can destroy what he stands for. He wants to be the one
to hold her when she needs someone. He wants to love her for the
beautiful woman that she is, stopping at nothing until she felt
satisfied by him in every aspect. He didn't want her to be afraid of
anything anymore, and he wanted all of her insecurities to cease from existence. But right now, he knows it is best to wait for her to come
on her own. With a deep sigh, the guitarist turned both of the
chrome knobs in opposite directions, exiting his shower before wrapping
a dark blue towel around his waist. He still felt a bit groggy, so he
went back to sleep.
After about 45 minutes, Hana got out of her shower. "Never again..at least not that much.." She thought to herself.
She
layed back in bed, shifting to get comfortable in her now damp
blankets. The brunette stared up at the ceiling with a weak frown. She
didn't understand why, but she felt like she needed someone next to
her. Hana laughed to herself, forgetting the fact that she was too lazy
to even wrap a towel around herself. She glanced at her large neon
green digital clock,reading the time to be "7:27 PM". She almost
felt ashamed, even though they had the next few days off, she never
wanted to go back to her vampiric sleeping habits. But hey, life is
short, so she figured she deserved a day of rest.
About 2
to 5 minutes of sprawling out on her comfortable king sized mattress,
Hana felt herself dozing off again, but as if almost intentional, She
was awoken by 3 loud enough knocks on her door. She flinched and gasped
at the noise, dragging herself off the bed as she walked over to open
the door. Turning the doorknob, she remembered her absence of clothing,
so she ran to her bathroom and quickly wrapped a lime green towel
around her before returning to open her door again. It was Sakai. He
wore a long dark blue robe over seemingly visible boxers. The
expression on the guitarist's face looked serious, but concerned at the
same time. Hana laughed at the situation, not really minding the fact
of it. Back at home she was used walking around the house half naked,
so it felt like nothing has changed since then. The tall guitarist
laughed with her, tightening his robe as if he felt exposed. He gazed
at Hana for a moment, feeling slightly overwhelmed of seeing her in
just a towel, but he didn't comment it.
-
"Is everything alright Sakai?"
Hana asked, still recovering from her random laughter.
"Mm.. everything is fine..I..just wanted to see how you were doing.."
Sakai responded, sounding slightly nervous.
"Oh! Yeah! None of us held back, huh? Work hard, play hard, right?"
She replied with a laugh.
Sakai
shifted to lean against her door frame, nodding in agreement while
looking to the side. So much went through his mind, and he almost felt
he couldn't control his overwhelming urge to simply grab her by her
hips and shower her with his kisses. He realized how much he felt for
the lead musician, but to him it was as if he wasn't good enough for
her.
Paranoia would occasionally cross his mind, but he knew he had
to remember that Hana wasn't the everyday type of woman you'd meet.
From everything she had told him, he had to take it all into
consideration. She is very fragile, and he knew if he wanted to get
anywhere, he would have to wait for her to let him in..no matter how
much it killed him. The guitarist smiled to himself, feeling satisfied
enough to know she wasn't sick from the partying.
"Well I'm just relieved you're alright. You don't look bad at all. I'm guessing you got it out of your system?"
Sakai said with a smile.
"Haha! If you mean by sleeping it off, sure! I'm weird in a way..like how no matter how much I drink, I never puke it up!"
Hana replied with a laugh.
Sakai
went wide-eyed for a moment, but laughed a bit, surprised of this fact
he didn't know about her. He sighed for a moment, not really sure on
what else to say. His glance picked up a good view of Hana's long legs.
Even a few drips of water still trailed past her knees. To Sakai, time
felt like it was moving in slow motion.
He heard and felt his own
pulse speed up with each and every glance, his eyes stopping to her mid
thigh area that the towel covered. Out no where, he felt Hana's palm
rest on the side of his arm, holding to it for a moment. He looked up
to her eyes, seeing that they were already locked onto his. Sakai
wondered what her intentions were..and why he sensed something
different from her. He felt one of her bare legs lean against his,
while her hand held tightly to his bicep.
Hana didnt keep her eyes
off of his and as everything went on, she leaned a bit closer to him.
The look in her eyes seemed sad, but also wanting, even unsure. Sakai
didn't know what to think of her actions, so instead of giving in to
his overflowing need to take her right where she was, he held to her
tightly, hugging her warmly.
"Is everything alright..Hana..?"
Sakai whispered into her ear.
She
teared up a bit, hugging him back just as tight. Her body trembled. She
felt so confused, and all she could think about was how things would
end up tomorrow. Her music career was overwhelming her, and the thought
of everything she worked for crashing down really got to her. Even on
her day off.
"I'm scared.. What if we get kicked off stage?
The audience is there to see Kanon Wakeshima.. not Yuudoku Garden... I
mean.. you guys are always amazing..but what if I mess up? What if they
look at me as a pathetic american? And in the end.. I'll have to live
the rest of my life knowing I failed all of you.. "
She choked out her words, holding to him tightly.
He
shook his head, hugging her even tighter. His hand glided down to her
lower back as he rubbed it slowly. His free hand wiped her tears away
before returning to embrace her again.
"No, Hana.. You will
never be resented by any audience you perform for. When you give it
your all, no matter who you are, you will always receive respect for
even being up there.
You've made it this far for a reason.. and no matter what happens on that stage..
You will never fail us."
Sakai spoke softly into her ear.
"I..know
what you're saying is true..but.. there's just always something there
each and everyday that tells me Im destined to fail...whether it be my
career..or.."
Hana studdered her words, hugging him enough to pin him gently against the door frame.
"Or what, sweetheart..?"
He replied calmly against her ear.
Hana could feel herself shake on the inside, sort of in a vulnerable, nerve-wracking sense.
She
thought by now that her depressed mindset would go away after all these
years. She pulled gently from his embrace, looking up at him with
swollen emerald eyes. She wanted to open up more to him, and she wanted
to just come out and say how she wishes her fear of being touched and
taken care of would cease to exist. Craving to tell him to try to take
that fear away, not really knowing what she would mean by it anyway. But she didn't. Opening that much exposes a large weak spot, and that
was something she couldn't allow to anyone, no matter who it was. In
the end there's always a brick wall to block out anyone who gets too
close. She wiped her tears away, forcing herself to smile as
she role played that same old facade she was so used to. Backing a few
steps away from him, Hana tugged on her lime green towel, wrapping it
securely around herself. Shaking shook her head a few times, looking
back at him.
"Or..Maybe I'm just being paranoid..I have a
habit of getting myself all worked up for nothing. Ahah!.its a woman
thing, you know? Thankyou so much for comforting me..I'm all better
now!"
Hana said through a perky smile, hugging him lightly.
Sakai
didn't know what to think of her sudden change of emotions. He didn't
want to make anything worse. He figured out she was the type of person
to forget about her worries and problems, and since he didn't really
know the right thing to do about it, he did what he could by holding to
her again. Hana hugged him back, but pulled away after a few seconds.
If she got too attached now, she knew she wouldn't be able to hold
anything back, so her only option was to go back to sleep. She needed
to isolate herself before she could make things any worse, even if it
meant forcing herself to stay asleep.
"Thankyou for
everything Sakai. I don't know about you but I'm really tired. I'm not
feeling too good so I'm gonna go back to sleep. It is our day off after
all! Might as well enjoy it!"
Hana spoke with a forced giggle, trying her hardest to get him to leave without knowing how she really felt.
"Mn..you're
right Hana-chan.. I think we're all sleeping in today. We should enjoy
it while its still here.. See you tomorrow..sweetheart."
Sakai smiled before departing, walking back to his room.
Hana's
forced smile then ceased. She closed and locked her door, walking back
to her bed. She went in one of her drawers in her knight stand, finding
a bottle of nyquil. She relentlessly chugged down a good amount of the
distasteful dark green liquid, getting back into bed while shedding a
few silent tears on her pillow. "Tomorrow's another day.." She thought to herself, drifting into a medicated comatose for the rest of the evening.
